{dusting off the cobwebs, sweeping up debris from long disuse…}

I’ve been thinking about the blog a lot, obviously not posting any of my thoughts. Like several of the individuals whose blogs I follow, I struggle with my commitment to blogging and reasons behind doing so. I began this blog as an exuberant new Catholic whose online community had unraveled , trying to integrate newfound Catholic fervor with a particular bent toward apologetics, an evolving political quandry progressing from evangelical conservative roots through Libertarianism turned topsy-turvy when informed by Catholic ideals, and an overarching passion for midwifery, birth and moderately crunchy parenting choices.

What I have discovered over the intervening years is that I cannot sustain my Catholicity and spiritual growth based upon defining how Protestant I no longer am. I pray continually for unity, but it will not be achieved by pointing out how “they” are wrong and “we” are right, even when the intention is simply explaining what we really mean by {insert peculiarly Catholic doctrine here}. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate those who do so in charity, and still follow some who accomplish this with eloquence. On the other hand, I can’t help but contrast myself against other spiritually uplifting bloggers with whose words I strongly identify. While they express themselves with inspiring and humorous prose, I find myself only capable of nodding my head in agreement, my tired brain unable to string together any theologically oriented nouns and verbs worth displaying for others’ consumption, and feeling conspicuously pretentious when attempting to do so. So blog foundation #1 seems chipped and fractured.

Over the last several political campaigns, I have becoming increasingly disenchanted with our unique American political and economic systems, the foundations and ideals upon which they are based, and above all the modern interpretation of those foundations and ideals. I firmly believe that Catholics are disenfranchised in America today and have slim morally acceptable pickings among the viable national players. Despite sporadic bantering supporting a Catholic or Natural Law oriented alternative within the blogosphere, there seems to be little will and even less financial support to promote such an endeavor over the long haul. I don’t desire to become another tiresome echo chamber, and have all but tuned out of the national political chatter, excepting only the pro-life cause. So foundation #2 has crumbled.

Thirdly, I was shown with absolute clarity by several convergent factors that there is no way I can raise my family in the manner worthy of God’s calling and also be running around chasing births and a midwifery career. At this point in my life, my vocational priorities need to be established firmly. I have also become uncomfortable sharing intimate details of other families’ birth experiences in which I have participated, though I have assisted my school in establishing a website to which parents can submit their own birth stories. So at the moment, I have scant experiences from which to draw illuminating posts, and any which I may develop are more likely to find their way to the aforementioned website. Goodbye foundation #3.

I have thought long and hard about whether to continue blogging at all here. I’m reluctant to completely close up shop, simply because I like having an outlet. I like to write when the mood strikes. I have identified two factors by which I might invigorate my blogging. The first is the recognition that my thought processes and creativity are facilitated by two-way dialog. Shouting into a vacuum is unsustainable. I would dearly love to participate once again in a group format blog. I have some thoughts about inviting some new voices, and also would gladly consider any who might like to volunteer whether to join this place or embark on something new. More importantly, I need a definable focus. My initial motivations having run their course, what have I left to say? I have found that I spend a lot of time contemplating community, whether within my local parish, the Catholic Church at large, family as community, the birthing community, the abdication of local, real life community for online, virtually generated community, and the impact all of this has on myself, personally, and on the human person. All of my former trajectories will inevitably be intertwined amongst these threads, but within a focused exploration. I look forward to inviting lively discussion over this essential component of human life, our modern experiences, and ways in which we can develop or expand our own communities.

There is a possibility of my husband’s company getting a large contract back, which would mean money directly into our personal finances because of Brian’s commission structure. They have been hit pretty hard by the economic downturn, and this would be a great help in getting through this next winter. If you feel so inclined, please pray that this contract goes through!

We usually go out with Brian’s extended family who live nearby–his parents, one set of Grandparents, his brother and wife, and his uncle and girlfriend–for brunch for Mother’s Day. With the failing health of Brian’s father, going out was out of the question, so Brian thought we should prepare a special brunch to share at “Nana’s” house.

Our menu included 4 varieties of quiche (spinach & ricotta, bacon & cheddar, ham & mushroom, and cheese), 4 varieties of crepes (sausage & cheese, cherry, apple and blueberry) with each of the sweet crepes having a sweetened cream cheese filling and topped with hot fudge or caramel sauce, eggs Benedict (provided by my brother-in-law), fruit salad, muffins, hashbrowns, bacon (lots and lots of bacon, as it’s Great-Granny’s special weakness), fried chicken, and a yogurt grape salad.

Suffice it to say, I didn’t eat again for the rest of the day. My husband is a superb cook, and keeps us quite well fed.

This was in my daily reading, from my plan to read through the Bible in a year, the other day.

2 Samuel 6:

9 That day David felt afraid of Yahweh. ‘How can the ark of Yahweh come to be with me?’ he said.
10 So David decided not to take the ark of Yahweh with him into the city of David but diverted it to the house of Obed-Edom of Gath.
11 The ark of Yahweh remained in the house of Obed-Edom of Gath for three months, and Yahweh blessed Obed-Edom and his whole family.
12 King David was informed that Yahweh had blessed Obed-Edom’s family and everything belonging to him on account of the ark of God. David accordingly went and, amid great rejoicing, brought the ark of God up from Obed-Edom’s house to the City of David.

It couldn’t help but bring to mind this passage, not that this is the first time the comparison has been made:

Luke 1:
36
And behold, Elizabeth, your relative, has also conceived 13 a son in her old age, and this is the sixth month for her who was called barren;
37
for nothing will be impossible for God.”
38
Mary said, “Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word.” Then the angel departed from her.
39
During those days Mary set out and traveled to the hill country in haste to a town of Judah,
40
where she entered the house of Zechariah and greeted Elizabeth.
41
When Elizabeth heard Mary’s greeting, the infant leaped in her womb, and Elizabeth, filled with the holy Spirit,
42
cried out in a loud voice and said, “Most blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb.
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And how does this happen to me, that the mother of my Lord 14 should come to me?
44
For at the moment the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the infant in my womb leaped for joy.

And, of course, from the Mass:

Matthew 8:
8
The centurion said in reply, 6 “Lord, I am not worthy to have you enter under my roof; only say the word and my servant will be healed.
9
For I too am a person subject to authority, with soldiers subject to me. And I say to one, ‘Go,’ and he goes; and to another, ‘Come here,’ and he comes; and to my slave, ‘Do this,’ and he does it.”
10
When Jesus heard this, he was amazed and said to those following him, “Amen, I say to you, in no one in Israel 7 have I found such faith.
11
I say to you, 8 many will come from the east and the west, and will recline with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob at the banquet in the kingdom of heaven,
12
but the children of the kingdom will be driven out into the outer darkness, where there will be wailing and grinding of teeth.”
13
And Jesus said to the centurion, “You may go; as you have believed, let it be done for you.” And at that very hour (his) servant was healed.

Does a healthy soul ever feel worthy? This feeling is a humbling experience, but Christ does not stop there. He expects something of us. We choose whether to reject him in our injured sense of pride, or faithfully accept what He has offered to us. See how he has rewarded these individuals and families with blessings? And the blessings spill over, not just with the one who shows faith, but on those they love as well!

This communal gospel, this common theme that decisions made by one individual can heal, sanctify and bless others outside the periphery of the initial exchange is one of the great mysteries I have received from the Catholic faith. It is not a replacement for each individual having a personal faith in Christ, but a means by which Christ shows his magnitude, his loveliness, his adorableness, drawing us ever closer to his mercy and our ultimate salvation.

I am giving up blogging/reading for Lent. I plan to actually finish some of the spiritual reading I have begun. See you at Easter!

The image topping the page is an iconic feature of our small city. Our peninsula has the greatest proportion of lighthouses to land mass in the country. This is our light house on Lake Michigan. Our community is a hub for sport charter fishing on the lake.

In case you wanted to know.

From Life News:

Some abortion advocates have dismissed the wealth of previous research on the link between abortion and mental health problems by saying factors unrelated to the abortion contributed to them. The scientists found abortion elevated the risks independently of those factors.

“The abortion variable made a significant independent contribution to more mental health outcomes than a history of rape, sexual abuse in childhood, physical assault in adulthood, physical abuse in childhood, and neglect which contributed to between four and ten different diagnoses,” the scholars wrote.

“What is most notable in this study is that abortion contributed significant independent effects to numerous mental health problems above and beyond a variety of other traumatizing and stressful life experiences,” they said.

Ultimately, the authors write that abortion is directly “responsible for more than 10% of the population incidence of alcohol dependence, alcohol abuse, drug dependence, panic disorder, agoraphobia, and bipolar disorder in the population.”

As a convert, one of the more difficult transitions has been replacing the beloved traditions with which I grew up with new traditions centered on the Liturgical Calendar. Probably the hardest has centered on the Advent/Christmas seasons. How are we to truly live Advent when the whole world is rolling out Christmas, starting in September?

I, like most, have a soul which is inspired and invigorated by music. Music sets a tone, can change the mood, becomes a representation of a point in time or an trigger to memory. With an entire genre devoted to one season, Christmas music represents the beloved traditions and memories of years past, growing up in Virginia visiting the annual live nativity and a local green house which set up an extensive animatronic display. Driving around viewing private light displays. Decorating the Christmas tree. Eager anticipation, milk and cookies, egg nog.

For the past couple years, I’ve been saving Christmas music for the Christmas season, and felt the holiday suddenly burst upon me, without warning. From my traditions, Christmas music was the preparation which Advent rightly represents.

A search of Advent albums, as you might imagine or have discovered for yourself, encounters a dearth of choice. I’m typically hesitant about plunking down $16 on an unknown artist, frugal (or cheap) as I am. Previously my Google searches have turned up little. I must have been searching the wrong terms, like “advent music”. Yesterday, I searched “advent hymns”, and Lo! now we’re cooking.

I discovered a couple sites with suggestions enough to fill my iTunes with several hours of music. You may, as I do, quibble with a few of the sites’ suggestions, but there is a nice variety anyway.
LNW Hymns has free mp3 downloads and Full Homely Divinity has an extensive inventory of Advent carols old and new, link to midi files and lyrics. I used the second, along with beemp3 (use at your own risk) to gather my selection of mp3s.

With a musical guide to the season, both familiar and new, I can anticipate the coming season with excitement and celebration. Our mornings will be filled with appropriate music, and I’ll be establishing seasonally relevant traditions for my kids to remember and hopefully continue in their own future families.

(My next project will be to locate DVD copies of all my favorite holiday movies, so that I can play them during the Christmas season, rather than catch them on TV during Advent.)

Interested in real life examples of Tandem Nursing? Read the post on my business site.

I’m not one to brag about blog stats. In fact, I rarely check them. But I noticed several weeks ago that I was approaching 20,000 hits. And so it happens today that I’ve received 20,000 hits to this little blog of mine. Thanks to all who visit! Enjoy a cookie, on me.